Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
