Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
