weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
