You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
