We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
