im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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