ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
