i jhust puked up my retainher.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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