Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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