I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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