i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
