he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
