Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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