Do vagina's smell?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
