batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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