the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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