she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
