1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
