You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
