I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I need to calm my uterus...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
