I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
