Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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