Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
