they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
