Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
