I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
