if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
