the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
