so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
