wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Two words: nipple clamps
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