You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
