marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
