When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
