I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
