took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
