Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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