These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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