Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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