i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
