Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
