By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
