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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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