I just cut my nipple shaving
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
