i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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