were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
