I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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