i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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