I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just found puke in my bra..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
