Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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