Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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