he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
