he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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