After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
