Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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