how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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