we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
