I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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