I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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