I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
