Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Couch. On fire.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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