you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
